I Heard!

i heard what you said. you told your friends that i'm beautiful! i heard that. actually i already want to give up. how i know. i heard what you said. and i was just like, why you treat me like that....? i thought you do not want to see me again. do not want to look at me again! how i know i heard you said 'beautiful right?' to your friend and pointing at me. i just act like i didn't heard that. this happened at yesterday. today, you keep pointing at me to your friends and your friends look at me. once again, i act like i didn't saw it. i thought you gave up on. that's why now i starting to give me on you. why you want to like that? i'm so confusing! sorry, i do not brave to tell you what's my feeling to you now. unless, you tell me! I DIDN'T CHOOSE YOU. MY HEART DID. you know what? i'm the one who always suffer! the ex- girl friend sitting beside me. and you're not beside me! ya! NEVER BE UPSET IF YOU SEE YOUR EX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS TAUGHT YOU TO GIVE YOUR USED TOYS TO THE LESS FORTUNATE. i gave! although it talks like very easy. but when you do, it is another thing happen. i wish! i could forget everything! i wish i could delete this fucking things, fucking memories from my brain and put in many many many of knowledge inside! I NEED A HUG. when i'm not that strong anymore. when i'm sad. when i need someone around me. when the someone love me. when the someone needs me! nowadays, i less sing chinese song. i love korean song! i have more feeling with it. but, the question is, not very much of lyrics i can memorize! i'll try my best! i think i can do it successfully! 

Busy Life...

Chinese New Year is now left few days.... *sigh* time, why you pass so fast?? i'm busy because of my life! homework, school, tuition, and many more fucking busy things. only korean variety show. only k-pop. they can release my stress. i found happiness in there. i laughed like hell! like an idiot! i think that's real me. so when can i show my real one to others? i think it might be impossible. exam is now around the corner. i have no time to blogging. although i really want to! i want to share my everything in this blog! i really scared of my exam! but seriously, i have no motivation to study! to someone, fall in love with my and persuade me to study. let's study together! i'll fall asleep if i study myself! i need someone who really can accompany me to do my homework, do revision together, he can answer my question and we love each other! so difficult to find this type of guys right? never mind. i'll wait! wait for you! oh yeah! i sang at school yesterday. the whole gang of guys were waving their hands when i'm singing. scream when i'm singing. clapped their hands loudly after i sang finish. inside of the gang, someone can calculate as my crush! he smile! i saw him smiling. i less saw him smiling like yesterday. i just think of it, he smile because i'm singing, he felt happy! hahahahaha! he waves his hands also! i was really happy! that's why i sing better in the 2nd song. suddenly, i wish i could sing on the stage for him! for them also. i love to ear the claps hands sound! i enjoy it very very very much. but need to see the timing. maybe i have chance to sing on the stage in my all life! 

Forgot....

The one that made me regret had forgot about me...... he did not even look at me once! i was terrible fed up... seriously, i thought we would get into a relationship if he still love me, if he still remember me, if he still can't forget about me.... obviously, he was not that serious to me. someone said, IN EVERY GIRL'S LIFE, THERE IS A BOY SHE'LL NEVER FORGET. IN EVERY BOY'S LIFE, THERE IS A GIRL HE CAN NEVER GET. you know, if we can't get into a relationship. at least, at least i hope that i'm the girl in your life that you can never get.... i'm really an idiot. when i just want to start my relationship, when i think properly to have my sweet memories, he gone! this happened twice! why?!!!! when i just started to love you, and suddenly you disappear in my life. i feel so stupid! just because of this, i not dare to tell me friends. give me some times, let me to forget you. not that long actually! i just used 10 months to forget my ex-. actually not yet completely deleted from my memory. somebody said, DON'T EVER FORCE YOURSELF TO FORGET SOMEONE. YOU'LL JUST REMEMBER THE PEOPLE BUT NOT FORGETTING. FOR EXAMPLE, I TALK ABOUT A PINK TIGER. AND I ASK YOU TO FORGET, YOU'LL JUST FORCE YOURSELF TO IMAGINE THE TIGER IN PINK COLOR, ISN'T? SO, IF YOU WANT TO FORGET A PERSON, LET IT FORGET SLOWLY, SMOOTHLY. TIME WILL HELP YOU! and yeah, i pass this forgetting people to TIME. i wish that he could done this mission impossible successfully. whenever friends asked me whether it's okay or not, i answered them alright or nothing happened. but if you really knows me, my answer actually was I'M NOT FINE. I NEED A HUG. i really need a hug from the person i need! i'm stress because of homework, stress because of love! to someone i need, come to me, I NEED YOU BLOODY MUCH!

If one day...

If one day, i don't bother you anymore. If one day,  i have no more feelings to you. If one day, i'm in a relationship with others. If one day, we become strangers. will you regret? i wonder, will you? and of course, i know you won't. you have her. a lovely her who always accompany you, right? i'm the idiot always. if time reversed back, i think i'll choose not to meet you and know you. just because i can't face this problem. if i tell you i'm now available, will you take me back? can you take me back? i'm not in a relationship anymore. i'm not with him anymore. could you ask me the same question one more time? please. please. please ask me to accept you. why don't you choose a right time? i regret! if i say i hope that you always appear in my life. if i say i wish to see you everyday. but please be serious. i'm now is available status for 10 months already. just because someone make me do not believe in love. if you're serious, please be nice to me. not only buy things for me.... treat me with your true heart if you're willing to. but if you don't want, its okay..... seriously... i can be tough.... although i'm tired of being strong every moment......... oh yeah. do you still remember that, you said you made a song for me... now only i know that you're so perfect. just in wrong timing. you're my ideal type actually, although we're in different races. i know this is quite difficult. you have a pair of beautiful eyes, you nose's shape is beautiful, you are not that short, you have 6 packs, you're strong, you're good in sport, but not very good at academic, but it's okay. i'm not that good also..... you know how to sing, how to play instruments and lotssssssss. today, you didn't come to school, i was just like moody cause can't see you in the school. i went to ec mall yesterday because of public holiday. you know, i pray hard to GOD, wish we can meet. but, we didn't....... give me some time to forget you. maybe i need 10 months again. i used 10 months to forget my ex-....... but i'm still in awkward with him and also her and also her friends........ i wish i could meet 1 more guy that is suitable and the timing is correct. if not, i need to waste my 10 months to forget you............

Suffering...

you can't really be 'just friends' if you're badly in love with him. opps... sorry, we're not even friends. we are strangers.... that's why i hate, and now i lost 3 male friends. you know? sometimes i say i'm okay, i wish you could hug my tightly and say i know you're not. it will happen in my dream... i wish i could find a person who will change my life, not only my relationship status. i'm a girl with pretty face that seem to tell the saddest story. unfortunately, i have no one to tell my saddest story. how pity am i..... look at me please. i miss last year that you always look at me. i miss the eye contact between us. why can't it repeat again? these few days when you saw me, you don't stop at me for more than 2 seconds. i'm used to have your eye contact on me. why when i need it, you don't give me? i'm so suffer. you know? i'm sitting with my ex-'s girlfriend. when he stand outside and waves to her, i feel stupid. but, who can i tell this to? no one..... no one..... everyone thought that i forgot about him or never fall in love with him. NONSENSE! they don't know how suffer am i. always watch both of them posting photo on twitter, facebook. how's my feel? no one knows. if you know me, come for me. just to me. no one else please. i'm afraid of love. but i'm lack of love now.... to my ex-, you know? a girl is hurt when she starts to ignore you. as you can see, how i ignore you everytime you come nearby me. you know how hurt am i? i wish you could saw this. let you know, the one that hurts me, not others, and the person is you! to the one, look at me please. i feel so uncomfortable when you starts not to look at me. hate this feeling....... i know. i did wrong. i shouldn't reject you and let you wait for so long time. i'm really regret! seriously, so. come to me if you're willing.................................. 

School Life

my school is now reopen the 2nd week already. i can't study in a same class with my close friends. because school will help us to arrange. at first, i pray hard to god so that he won't let me study in a class with my ex's girlfriend. but unluckily, i'm now with her in a same class PLUS i'm sitting beside her. i think both of us know that we shouldn't have an awkward relationship. i don't even speak any word at first 3 days. i can't face her. sorry. i didn't mean that actually. i think we can't have a friendship just like 3 years ago. our friendship is gone. but maybe there's a miracle! who knows? sincerely, i wish we could talk like last time, and no more about him that make us awkward. you can own him. i'm now okay wit it already. but sometimes still cannot, of course. give me some time please! no matter how long or how short is the time that i need to forget him, i'll TRY MY BEST to forget about everything! no more such person! to the another guy, sorry. i swear! i liked you before. sorry. i lied to my friends when we're playing truth or dare. she asked my whether like you before or not, i said no! sorry. i did! i really did! maybe you asked me this question too earlier! maybe now? or more late a bit. i'll accept. cause i'm going free from my ex-. maybe we're now in a very happy relationship. you know, whenever i see you in the school, i wish that you could see me in your eyes. i pray again, look at me please! i need your eye contact. but if i saw you, i saw some sadness? disappointed in your eyes. sorry! 1 more, i lied to you, there must be an answer that why i don't accept you. not because of i'm racist. i like you! SERIOUSLY. the reason is, i don't dare to accept any relationship now... maybe need to wait for more few months. i said to myself, if i get into a relationship again, i must maintain my relationship as long as i can. not only 4 months like my ex-. i think you gave up on me. i'm sad and disappointed actually. i thought that you'll com and find me AGAIN. you didn't do that. how sad am i? how hurt am i? can you imagine? no you don't. i think you'll blame me for not accept you at last and wasted all your time. don't blame me please................

NOOOOO

my harddisk was spoiled! it accidentally fall down from the notebook! i can't open now! i have lots of stuff inside there! got variety show, image, drama, movies!!!!! i used 250gb of the harddisk. so you can think about it, i have to re-download how much only can reach 250gb. plus, i'm form 4 now, lots of homework need to do! i have to focus on my study. i don't want to be so stress when i'm in form 5! so, i just can finish download those thing after SPM, i think. hmmm, i sent my notebook to someone to help me install microsoft office. but then, i felt weird because i set password, and he didn't ask me for the password until the third day he took it. damn. and i just thought that he could finish in one day. but, i just get my notebook after 1 week, and he said my notebook's ram was spoiled, so can't install microsoft office. what the fuck is that jerk talking? yea, he's talking shit. form 4 now, and i'm not taking account. i went to physics and chemistry class. so tough and so difficult! but never mind, i'll try my best! i wish i could have a good result! sincerely, i think i can do it! yeap. i must have confidence! cause i get such 7a1b result in my PMR. i just thought that i just can take 2a's and above. but, i took 7a!! i never get 2a or above in my exam or examination for 3 years! i was really happy! i told to myself, i can do it if i put lots of effort in my study in this year and also next year, i could success all the time! i wish the successful day would come towards me one day!