Cry?

my friends asked me whether i cried or not? of course i said NO. they said seriously? never cried after broke up with him? ya. i said NO. haha. i said no point to cry... i lied. ya. i lied. i CRIED. i CRIED so silently. i cried every night. can you feel my sadness and hurtness made by him? no one could. i bet them any girl who is strong as me or even stronger than me would tell her best buddy about this sad thing, they usually have a person who can talk. i DIDN'T. i keep in my heart deeply, maybe he's the deepest. whenever anyone talk about him, no matter how deep i put him in, my heart is still hurt. no one can really fix my heart. my heart had broke 1/4. maybe my soul mate will appear soon. i'm waiting for him. i will ask him to fix back my heart..... to my soul mate, appear in front of me when the timing is good. again. 3 weeks more. exam? damn it! okay la. i'll study. i SWEAR. I WILL. this saturday and next saturday will have singing performance. i think i should take reference book while it turn of me. hahaha! physics, biology, chemistry, sejarah, addmaths, modern maths, moral, malay, english and chinese! 10 subjects that killed me! luckily i didn't choose account! i'll die immediately! should i pay the money to study at outside or at home? i always can't control myself to study at home as i have internet, netbook. haiz. so sad. oh yeah! my netbook's screen had spoil. so i connect my desktop's monitor to my netbook, so, i'm using netbook's keyboard with desktop's monitor. i'm going to buy a new external hard disk! since mine had already spoil since last year? maybe. i'm going to buy a new smart phone. i never buy a new phone since all my phone is gave by my sisters i'm going to buy a new laptop rather than repair the screen. lol....... i'm going to.............

The Birthday Party

my ex- birthday had just passed. i feel so guilty. cause when we're in a relationship, i never give him any surprise. i just gift him maybe couple necklace and maybe a birthday car. unlike his girlfriend now. she celebrates his birthday with all her gangs. she plan all the things that i look as useless thing. but maybe both of them love to celebrates in romantic way. i think she gave him a kiss maybe a hug. just thought about me, never kiss him before, never hug him before. and he just hold my hand in the cinema ONCE. just because both of us are cold. haha. so funny! but they had kiss the 2nd or 3rd month they had already together. so open-minded huh? i dislike. luckily i still have my first kiss, first hug, can i count first holding hand also? cause we didn't old hands in public. cause i dislike. all my first are still with me except y first love. but it's okay. i never regret to consider my first love is puppy love. rather than my 2nd boyfriend be the first. hmmmmm.... alright. oh yeah! my ex- show off about he and she had a French Kiss for maybe 10 minutes? dafuq? don't you feel tired? you're just a secondary student. both of you will regret for being such horny if you all broke up. but luckily i didn't choose him. phew! so, i'm waiting for my 3rd one. perhaps we can last longer? all my friend could wish us truly with their heart. 3 more weeks, the mid-year exam is coming. not yet study all he subjects. will be killed by all the long syllabus i had been long time didn't stay in classroom. so i'm not very clear about all the syllabus. but seriously hope that i won't get fail. SERIOUSLY. i wish i could pass all my subjects..... okay. next. the one that i love seems like love to flirt with his girl friends. i'm so sad. maybe i'm the only one who feel like this. but seriously, i'm hurt. he didn't come to school last week. so i thought i had forget about him. until this week, nothing changed! but i had a feel. that is i feel like he started to look at me again. am i just thought it wrongly.... or that's true?? seriously i don't know. i knew that we're IMPOSSIBLE. but please lend me some time. i had use 10 months to forget my ex-. almost half year i had starring at you. maybe i just need to use another 10 months or more than 10 months to forget him. pity myself. i knew. i shouldn't waste my time on the wrong person. but there should appear a right person to me so that i won't pay all my attention on the wrong person. so.... to my mr.right, are you ready to stand in front of me? 

April Already....

oh my god. so fast.... today is the second week of April already. feel like so unbelievable. my form 4 life has started 4 months already. but i still can't catch up the academics. i have to work harder. cause my mid year exam coming soon. unfortunately, choir have performance during may. maybe will disturb my time to study. but i strongly believe that, i could did my best in exam later. something i feel happy cause i had download korean typing. ten i could type in korean. haha. but the difficulty i met is i couldn't memorize every position of alphabet on my keyboard. my keyboard doesn't show me that. so sometime i just need to try every button to get the correct one. take a quite long to type. you see! i typed this! 안녕 하새오 ! 내가 황쟈이임니다! hello! i'm XXX!!!something sad happen! he changes to cadet police from taekwando ITF. and i just think. is it because of me? i so wish that he won't change. that's the only chance i could get closer to him. but he just disappoint me... maybe i should really totally forget about him. why am i so stupid? i already know that he already fed up on me? why i still want act like this huh? suffer..... can we? can we start over all again huh? can we just text like last time? can you call me? can we have eye contact once again? can you just tell me that you love me? can you tell your friends that you love me? then your friends will just call my name when they saw me? can we hang out like last time? can we watch movie? can you treat me ice-cream? can you say  me that i'm beautiful, i'm hot, i'm cute, i'm smart? can you compose 1 more song for me? can you sing and play guitar in front of me? can you look at me? can you just ask my friend do not scold at me or play on me or bully me? can you fight with other boys when you know that they like me? can you ask me whether the another like me or not? can you ask me to say i love you to you? can you know that i still can't forget you? can you know that i miss you? can you know that i'm falling in love with you? can you know that i'm regret with the decision i did? can you know that i always act like i don't care about you? can you know that i'm so suffer when you suddenly do not appear in my life anymore? can you notice that i still care about you? lots of 'can you....?' right? haha. so funny. it's too late, and i know it. the time can't return. and you will always be deeply in my heart until someday maybe i drunk? and i'll say it out all. i know. I LEAVE YOU WITHOUT ANY REASON, SO THAT I WON'T COME BACK WITH AN EXCUSE. the last can we that i want to say is CAN WE JUST MEET LIKE FIRST DAY WE MET AGAIN? and then, maybe i'll try to avoid this thing happen.  then i won't be suffer. the 2nd boy i'm suffering with...