School Life

my school is now reopen the 2nd week already. i can't study in a same class with my close friends. because school will help us to arrange. at first, i pray hard to god so that he won't let me study in a class with my ex's girlfriend. but unluckily, i'm now with her in a same class PLUS i'm sitting beside her. i think both of us know that we shouldn't have an awkward relationship. i don't even speak any word at first 3 days. i can't face her. sorry. i didn't mean that actually. i think we can't have a friendship just like 3 years ago. our friendship is gone. but maybe there's a miracle! who knows? sincerely, i wish we could talk like last time, and no more about him that make us awkward. you can own him. i'm now okay wit it already. but sometimes still cannot, of course. give me some time please! no matter how long or how short is the time that i need to forget him, i'll TRY MY BEST to forget about everything! no more such person! to the another guy, sorry. i swear! i liked you before. sorry. i lied to my friends when we're playing truth or dare. she asked my whether like you before or not, i said no! sorry. i did! i really did! maybe you asked me this question too earlier! maybe now? or more late a bit. i'll accept. cause i'm going free from my ex-. maybe we're now in a very happy relationship. you know, whenever i see you in the school, i wish that you could see me in your eyes. i pray again, look at me please! i need your eye contact. but if i saw you, i saw some sadness? disappointed in your eyes. sorry! 1 more, i lied to you, there must be an answer that why i don't accept you. not because of i'm racist. i like you! SERIOUSLY. the reason is, i don't dare to accept any relationship now... maybe need to wait for more few months. i said to myself, if i get into a relationship again, i must maintain my relationship as long as i can. not only 4 months like my ex-. i think you gave up on me. i'm sad and disappointed actually. i thought that you'll com and find me AGAIN. you didn't do that. how sad am i? how hurt am i? can you imagine? no you don't. i think you'll blame me for not accept you at last and wasted all your time. don't blame me please................