If one day...

If one day, i don't bother you anymore. If one day,  i have no more feelings to you. If one day, i'm in a relationship with others. If one day, we become strangers. will you regret? i wonder, will you? and of course, i know you won't. you have her. a lovely her who always accompany you, right? i'm the idiot always. if time reversed back, i think i'll choose not to meet you and know you. just because i can't face this problem. if i tell you i'm now available, will you take me back? can you take me back? i'm not in a relationship anymore. i'm not with him anymore. could you ask me the same question one more time? please. please. please ask me to accept you. why don't you choose a right time? i regret! if i say i hope that you always appear in my life. if i say i wish to see you everyday. but please be serious. i'm now is available status for 10 months already. just because someone make me do not believe in love. if you're serious, please be nice to me. not only buy things for me.... treat me with your true heart if you're willing to. but if you don't want, its okay..... seriously... i can be tough.... although i'm tired of being strong every moment......... oh yeah. do you still remember that, you said you made a song for me... now only i know that you're so perfect. just in wrong timing. you're my ideal type actually, although we're in different races. i know this is quite difficult. you have a pair of beautiful eyes, you nose's shape is beautiful, you are not that short, you have 6 packs, you're strong, you're good in sport, but not very good at academic, but it's okay. i'm not that good also..... you know how to sing, how to play instruments and lotssssssss. today, you didn't come to school, i was just like moody cause can't see you in the school. i went to ec mall yesterday because of public holiday. you know, i pray hard to GOD, wish we can meet. but, we didn't....... give me some time to forget you. maybe i need 10 months again. i used 10 months to forget my ex-....... but i'm still in awkward with him and also her and also her friends........ i wish i could meet 1 more guy that is suitable and the timing is correct. if not, i need to waste my 10 months to forget you............

Suffering...

you can't really be 'just friends' if you're badly in love with him. opps... sorry, we're not even friends. we are strangers.... that's why i hate, and now i lost 3 male friends. you know? sometimes i say i'm okay, i wish you could hug my tightly and say i know you're not. it will happen in my dream... i wish i could find a person who will change my life, not only my relationship status. i'm a girl with pretty face that seem to tell the saddest story. unfortunately, i have no one to tell my saddest story. how pity am i..... look at me please. i miss last year that you always look at me. i miss the eye contact between us. why can't it repeat again? these few days when you saw me, you don't stop at me for more than 2 seconds. i'm used to have your eye contact on me. why when i need it, you don't give me? i'm so suffer. you know? i'm sitting with my ex-'s girlfriend. when he stand outside and waves to her, i feel stupid. but, who can i tell this to? no one..... no one..... everyone thought that i forgot about him or never fall in love with him. NONSENSE! they don't know how suffer am i. always watch both of them posting photo on twitter, facebook. how's my feel? no one knows. if you know me, come for me. just to me. no one else please. i'm afraid of love. but i'm lack of love now.... to my ex-, you know? a girl is hurt when she starts to ignore you. as you can see, how i ignore you everytime you come nearby me. you know how hurt am i? i wish you could saw this. let you know, the one that hurts me, not others, and the person is you! to the one, look at me please. i feel so uncomfortable when you starts not to look at me. hate this feeling....... i know. i did wrong. i shouldn't reject you and let you wait for so long time. i'm really regret! seriously, so. come to me if you're willing.................................. 

School Life

my school is now reopen the 2nd week already. i can't study in a same class with my close friends. because school will help us to arrange. at first, i pray hard to god so that he won't let me study in a class with my ex's girlfriend. but unluckily, i'm now with her in a same class PLUS i'm sitting beside her. i think both of us know that we shouldn't have an awkward relationship. i don't even speak any word at first 3 days. i can't face her. sorry. i didn't mean that actually. i think we can't have a friendship just like 3 years ago. our friendship is gone. but maybe there's a miracle! who knows? sincerely, i wish we could talk like last time, and no more about him that make us awkward. you can own him. i'm now okay wit it already. but sometimes still cannot, of course. give me some time please! no matter how long or how short is the time that i need to forget him, i'll TRY MY BEST to forget about everything! no more such person! to the another guy, sorry. i swear! i liked you before. sorry. i lied to my friends when we're playing truth or dare. she asked my whether like you before or not, i said no! sorry. i did! i really did! maybe you asked me this question too earlier! maybe now? or more late a bit. i'll accept. cause i'm going free from my ex-. maybe we're now in a very happy relationship. you know, whenever i see you in the school, i wish that you could see me in your eyes. i pray again, look at me please! i need your eye contact. but if i saw you, i saw some sadness? disappointed in your eyes. sorry! 1 more, i lied to you, there must be an answer that why i don't accept you. not because of i'm racist. i like you! SERIOUSLY. the reason is, i don't dare to accept any relationship now... maybe need to wait for more few months. i said to myself, if i get into a relationship again, i must maintain my relationship as long as i can. not only 4 months like my ex-. i think you gave up on me. i'm sad and disappointed actually. i thought that you'll com and find me AGAIN. you didn't do that. how sad am i? how hurt am i? can you imagine? no you don't. i think you'll blame me for not accept you at last and wasted all your time. don't blame me please................

NOOOOO

my harddisk was spoiled! it accidentally fall down from the notebook! i can't open now! i have lots of stuff inside there! got variety show, image, drama, movies!!!!! i used 250gb of the harddisk. so you can think about it, i have to re-download how much only can reach 250gb. plus, i'm form 4 now, lots of homework need to do! i have to focus on my study. i don't want to be so stress when i'm in form 5! so, i just can finish download those thing after SPM, i think. hmmm, i sent my notebook to someone to help me install microsoft office. but then, i felt weird because i set password, and he didn't ask me for the password until the third day he took it. damn. and i just thought that he could finish in one day. but, i just get my notebook after 1 week, and he said my notebook's ram was spoiled, so can't install microsoft office. what the fuck is that jerk talking? yea, he's talking shit. form 4 now, and i'm not taking account. i went to physics and chemistry class. so tough and so difficult! but never mind, i'll try my best! i wish i could have a good result! sincerely, i think i can do it! yeap. i must have confidence! cause i get such 7a1b result in my PMR. i just thought that i just can take 2a's and above. but, i took 7a!! i never get 2a or above in my exam or examination for 3 years! i was really happy! i told to myself, i can do it if i put lots of effort in my study in this year and also next year, i could success all the time! i wish the successful day would come towards me one day!

Hurt

when i was small, i thought that i was born in a very happy family. but when i grow bigger, i just realize that it's no at all. you know what? i have parents and 3 sisters. all doesn't like me. when i was small, i thought that my parents give me lots of love. but, it isn't like that when i was now in secondary school. my father can scold me without any reason or with some very ridiculous reasons. DAFUQ. i was scared when he suddenly shout at me. i'm sure that not evryone can affort his shout. luckily i'm a person who do not cry easily and shout in front of people. that's why i always hide in my bedroom and cry silently. EVERYTIME. i just feel that why he treat me like that? why he can treat my 3 elder sisters so nice? i'm hurt. i'm totally hurt. my mother always thought that i couldn't do this and do that. what the fuck? i'm her daughter. always blame me! i hate this type of mother. she give my sisters money whenever they need. sometimes, i just need rm30 to hang out with friends, and she always said that she has no money. i don't know why! why there is such a mother in this world? fine. i just heard an artist said, parents doesn't need anything from their children. my moter is different! TOTALLY DIFFERENT! she asks me to give her back money when i'm an adult. she asks me to give her lots of plane ticket so that she can go travel. lots of thing she wants me to return her. she always thought that she, that become a mother is such a tired character that always need to accompany to singing class, pay the fee and also the costume. doesn't she think about me. i'm the one who should stand on the stage and need to face to all the audiences and feel so stress.i'm the one who is most tiring. as you can see, she didn't think about this. my elder sister is a bit bitcy! she poured water on my head that she drank. fuck yeah! you know what i feel? i almost wanna hit her! i asked her to be careful! don't do such bitchy thing anymore. and, i always wanna have a distance from her. you know what. she always touch me! oh totally fuck! she touch my hands, legs, butts.using his finger with some 'vibrations'! what the fuck!!!!!! whenever she came near me, i always walk away from her! she is totally a BITCHY BITCH! and, no one ever can meet such bitchy sister! but unluckily, i'm the one who met it. i must did something bad last time! that's why i met her this time! my second sister always tease me. just like when i did not did something wrong, and she will say something really bad. i hate!  my third sister! she's so horrible. she act in front of other people. she just like tret me so good in front of others. but she's not like that! i don't know why all my family member will like her so much? i hate her! i'm taller than her so much and stronger than her so much! is that my fault? she is the one who's short. i think she is just 149 or 150cm. she is short. why everyone said i stole her food. can't a younger sister taller than her elder sister? FUCK! i must fuck all the people who said such a fucking word out! if a younger sister must weaker than her elder sister. then i must be 140cm now! that's impossible. i'm good at sport that's why i'm so strong and tall. i like badminton, swimming, basketball, jogging, gym and others! i like all sports! what about her? she have many scars on her legs. that's why she never wear short pants when she have theese scares. i saw her scars silently before. so scary! just like many small snaes on her legs! and ya! i hate my family! i think all of secondary students thougt this before! and i'm the one. i'm still a secondary school, so i can hate my family members so much! ya! i hurt, i sad, i angry, i hate in this family. but no where else can let me say out except this blog. thanks blog. but i'm still hurting. someone please help me! to: SOMEONE, i'm waiting you for so long time. please help me. i'm so tired! take me out please!

Just Came Back From Camp

i joined a 3 days 2 night camp. the camp is boring to me! but i just lie to my senior said that the camp was quite fun. DAFUQ. NO! not that fun actually! only have 1 outdoor activities, but just for 30 minutes! what the... i hate this type of camp! i was really regret because i joined this camp! first, no handsome guy for me, second, all food in vegetarian because it is a buddha camp, third, my backbone is pain AGAIN, fourth, always having many boring talks and games, last one, it is a really sucks camp for me. i just saw other people play it very fun. i don't know why and what makes them fun? and ya, i have no friend there! ARGH! anyway, 'tang yuan' is always the best! i still remember that i don't it eat when i was small. it was just taste like sweet and a bit 'spicy'? hmm, 'tang yuan' is best! 10 more days, and it is my school reopen day! i just get my PMR result! i was really shocked and really wanna fuck something up when i knew my result! DAMN! it is 7A1B. i was happy like hell! i never get more than 2A since i was form1. my history get B. but it's okay. cause i can't finish study my history. most of my friend that get such of result are usually their chinese get B. but i get A. the target of A is too high. i'm afraid of can't get such good result. although most of my friend get 8A's, but they're the one who should get such of result. i think i'm the proudest among my friend. you know what? i was really that proud. i get 7A's. my trial result is sucks like hell! 1 or 2 A only. but i get 7A in PMR. woohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!! shame on them who get 8As. they should not be happy, cause they took such of result more than thrice. no more feeling. but i'm different! from 2A to 7A. not many people can do like this. one more, i was sick when i was taking my chinese paper. phew~ i get A. i can't blame at others of my history. i'm the one who is lazy to study, that's why i get B. finally, i get flying colours in my result! thank god! 

A New One???

and yea... haha. my friend's boyfriend just came back from Australia. she looks so happy and he too. her boyfriend always scared that i'm too lonely when i was with them. you know, no one kiss you, no one hug you and no one talk to you so closely. but when you saw a couple that always kissing, hugging, talking, what do you feel? he ask her to ask me to find someone so that i won't always be alone when hang out with them. but seriously, i'm quite that lonely, because you know, i never did those stuffs with my one i don't kiss, i don't hug, but if i did, i really love them, i think. if the one is just like one of my ideal type, oh damn god! i must thank god! i must love god! haha. but now, i still don't need a boyfriend. i always can't sure that those boys that admiring me is through their heart or just wanna have some fun. you know, i being hurt by someone. so most of them can't know how i feel. i also don't need them to understand my feeling. i need a man, a true man that really can see through me. no one else did that until now, including my best buddies. but, maybe they don't have the responsibility to that on me. anyway, if i have a boyfriend, haha! that is the time my friend being suffer. her boyfriend at australia so cannot always meet except for holidays. maybe she will see my boyfriend and i. but, i SWEAR, if there is someone that really can see through me, that can know me very well without asking, that will love me, that will treat me with his true heart, finding me like hell when e can't contact me, scold me right after i contact him, hug me when we meet each other, can accepted by my siblings and friends. parents are not that fast! haha! and i'm waiting you. seems like i always waiting for someone. and yea, i'll wait for you!