School Life

my school is now reopen the 2nd week already. i can't study in a same class with my close friends. because school will help us to arrange. at first, i pray hard to god so that he won't let me study in a class with my ex's girlfriend. but unluckily, i'm now with her in a same class PLUS i'm sitting beside her. i think both of us know that we shouldn't have an awkward relationship. i don't even speak any word at first 3 days. i can't face her. sorry. i didn't mean that actually. i think we can't have a friendship just like 3 years ago. our friendship is gone. but maybe there's a miracle! who knows? sincerely, i wish we could talk like last time, and no more about him that make us awkward. you can own him. i'm now okay wit it already. but sometimes still cannot, of course. give me some time please! no matter how long or how short is the time that i need to forget him, i'll TRY MY BEST to forget about everything! no more such person! to the another guy, sorry. i swear! i liked you before. sorry. i lied to my friends when we're playing truth or dare. she asked my whether like you before or not, i said no! sorry. i did! i really did! maybe you asked me this question too earlier! maybe now? or more late a bit. i'll accept. cause i'm going free from my ex-. maybe we're now in a very happy relationship. you know, whenever i see you in the school, i wish that you could see me in your eyes. i pray again, look at me please! i need your eye contact. but if i saw you, i saw some sadness? disappointed in your eyes. sorry! 1 more, i lied to you, there must be an answer that why i don't accept you. not because of i'm racist. i like you! SERIOUSLY. the reason is, i don't dare to accept any relationship now... maybe need to wait for more few months. i said to myself, if i get into a relationship again, i must maintain my relationship as long as i can. not only 4 months like my ex-. i think you gave up on me. i'm sad and disappointed actually. i thought that you'll com and find me AGAIN. you didn't do that. how sad am i? how hurt am i? can you imagine? no you don't. i think you'll blame me for not accept you at last and wasted all your time. don't blame me please................

NOOOOO

my harddisk was spoiled! it accidentally fall down from the notebook! i can't open now! i have lots of stuff inside there! got variety show, image, drama, movies!!!!! i used 250gb of the harddisk. so you can think about it, i have to re-download how much only can reach 250gb. plus, i'm form 4 now, lots of homework need to do! i have to focus on my study. i don't want to be so stress when i'm in form 5! so, i just can finish download those thing after SPM, i think. hmmm, i sent my notebook to someone to help me install microsoft office. but then, i felt weird because i set password, and he didn't ask me for the password until the third day he took it. damn. and i just thought that he could finish in one day. but, i just get my notebook after 1 week, and he said my notebook's ram was spoiled, so can't install microsoft office. what the fuck is that jerk talking? yea, he's talking shit. form 4 now, and i'm not taking account. i went to physics and chemistry class. so tough and so difficult! but never mind, i'll try my best! i wish i could have a good result! sincerely, i think i can do it! yeap. i must have confidence! cause i get such 7a1b result in my PMR. i just thought that i just can take 2a's and above. but, i took 7a!! i never get 2a or above in my exam or examination for 3 years! i was really happy! i told to myself, i can do it if i put lots of effort in my study in this year and also next year, i could success all the time! i wish the successful day would come towards me one day!

Hurt

when i was small, i thought that i was born in a very happy family. but when i grow bigger, i just realize that it's no at all. you know what? i have parents and 3 sisters. all doesn't like me. when i was small, i thought that my parents give me lots of love. but, it isn't like that when i was now in secondary school. my father can scold me without any reason or with some very ridiculous reasons. DAFUQ. i was scared when he suddenly shout at me. i'm sure that not evryone can affort his shout. luckily i'm a person who do not cry easily and shout in front of people. that's why i always hide in my bedroom and cry silently. EVERYTIME. i just feel that why he treat me like that? why he can treat my 3 elder sisters so nice? i'm hurt. i'm totally hurt. my mother always thought that i couldn't do this and do that. what the fuck? i'm her daughter. always blame me! i hate this type of mother. she give my sisters money whenever they need. sometimes, i just need rm30 to hang out with friends, and she always said that she has no money. i don't know why! why there is such a mother in this world? fine. i just heard an artist said, parents doesn't need anything from their children. my moter is different! TOTALLY DIFFERENT! she asks me to give her back money when i'm an adult. she asks me to give her lots of plane ticket so that she can go travel. lots of thing she wants me to return her. she always thought that she, that become a mother is such a tired character that always need to accompany to singing class, pay the fee and also the costume. doesn't she think about me. i'm the one who should stand on the stage and need to face to all the audiences and feel so stress.i'm the one who is most tiring. as you can see, she didn't think about this. my elder sister is a bit bitcy! she poured water on my head that she drank. fuck yeah! you know what i feel? i almost wanna hit her! i asked her to be careful! don't do such bitchy thing anymore. and, i always wanna have a distance from her. you know what. she always touch me! oh totally fuck! she touch my hands, legs, butts.using his finger with some 'vibrations'! what the fuck!!!!!! whenever she came near me, i always walk away from her! she is totally a BITCHY BITCH! and, no one ever can meet such bitchy sister! but unluckily, i'm the one who met it. i must did something bad last time! that's why i met her this time! my second sister always tease me. just like when i did not did something wrong, and she will say something really bad. i hate!  my third sister! she's so horrible. she act in front of other people. she just like tret me so good in front of others. but she's not like that! i don't know why all my family member will like her so much? i hate her! i'm taller than her so much and stronger than her so much! is that my fault? she is the one who's short. i think she is just 149 or 150cm. she is short. why everyone said i stole her food. can't a younger sister taller than her elder sister? FUCK! i must fuck all the people who said such a fucking word out! if a younger sister must weaker than her elder sister. then i must be 140cm now! that's impossible. i'm good at sport that's why i'm so strong and tall. i like badminton, swimming, basketball, jogging, gym and others! i like all sports! what about her? she have many scars on her legs. that's why she never wear short pants when she have theese scares. i saw her scars silently before. so scary! just like many small snaes on her legs! and ya! i hate my family! i think all of secondary students thougt this before! and i'm the one. i'm still a secondary school, so i can hate my family members so much! ya! i hurt, i sad, i angry, i hate in this family. but no where else can let me say out except this blog. thanks blog. but i'm still hurting. someone please help me! to: SOMEONE, i'm waiting you for so long time. please help me. i'm so tired! take me out please!

Just Came Back From Camp

i joined a 3 days 2 night camp. the camp is boring to me! but i just lie to my senior said that the camp was quite fun. DAFUQ. NO! not that fun actually! only have 1 outdoor activities, but just for 30 minutes! what the... i hate this type of camp! i was really regret because i joined this camp! first, no handsome guy for me, second, all food in vegetarian because it is a buddha camp, third, my backbone is pain AGAIN, fourth, always having many boring talks and games, last one, it is a really sucks camp for me. i just saw other people play it very fun. i don't know why and what makes them fun? and ya, i have no friend there! ARGH! anyway, 'tang yuan' is always the best! i still remember that i don't it eat when i was small. it was just taste like sweet and a bit 'spicy'? hmm, 'tang yuan' is best! 10 more days, and it is my school reopen day! i just get my PMR result! i was really shocked and really wanna fuck something up when i knew my result! DAMN! it is 7A1B. i was happy like hell! i never get more than 2A since i was form1. my history get B. but it's okay. cause i can't finish study my history. most of my friend that get such of result are usually their chinese get B. but i get A. the target of A is too high. i'm afraid of can't get such good result. although most of my friend get 8A's, but they're the one who should get such of result. i think i'm the proudest among my friend. you know what? i was really that proud. i get 7A's. my trial result is sucks like hell! 1 or 2 A only. but i get 7A in PMR. woohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!! shame on them who get 8As. they should not be happy, cause they took such of result more than thrice. no more feeling. but i'm different! from 2A to 7A. not many people can do like this. one more, i was sick when i was taking my chinese paper. phew~ i get A. i can't blame at others of my history. i'm the one who is lazy to study, that's why i get B. finally, i get flying colours in my result! thank god! 

A New One???

and yea... haha. my friend's boyfriend just came back from Australia. she looks so happy and he too. her boyfriend always scared that i'm too lonely when i was with them. you know, no one kiss you, no one hug you and no one talk to you so closely. but when you saw a couple that always kissing, hugging, talking, what do you feel? he ask her to ask me to find someone so that i won't always be alone when hang out with them. but seriously, i'm quite that lonely, because you know, i never did those stuffs with my one i don't kiss, i don't hug, but if i did, i really love them, i think. if the one is just like one of my ideal type, oh damn god! i must thank god! i must love god! haha. but now, i still don't need a boyfriend. i always can't sure that those boys that admiring me is through their heart or just wanna have some fun. you know, i being hurt by someone. so most of them can't know how i feel. i also don't need them to understand my feeling. i need a man, a true man that really can see through me. no one else did that until now, including my best buddies. but, maybe they don't have the responsibility to that on me. anyway, if i have a boyfriend, haha! that is the time my friend being suffer. her boyfriend at australia so cannot always meet except for holidays. maybe she will see my boyfriend and i. but, i SWEAR, if there is someone that really can see through me, that can know me very well without asking, that will love me, that will treat me with his true heart, finding me like hell when e can't contact me, scold me right after i contact him, hug me when we meet each other, can accepted by my siblings and friends. parents are not that fast! haha! and i'm waiting you. seems like i always waiting for someone. and yea, i'll wait for you! 

Infinite

(Sungyeol, Sungjong, Sunggyu, L, Woohyun, Dongwoo, Hoya)

(Hoya, Dongwoo, Sungjong, L, Sungyeol,, Woohyun, Sunggyu)

(Sungjong, Dongwoo, Sunggyu, L, Hoya, Woohyun, Sungyeol)

Infinite (인피니트) is a boy band that made up of 7 members. The members are Sunggyu, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol, L and Sungjong.

김성규
Stage name: Sunggyu
Birth name: Kim Sung Gyu
Birthday: 28 April 1989
Position: Leader, Main Vocal
Nickname: Leader Gyu, Grandpa Gyu, Hamster

장동우
Stage name: Dongwoo
Birth name: Jang Dong Woo
Birthday: 22 November 1990
Position: Main Rapper, Lead Dancer
Nickname: Dinowoo, Kenya

남우현
Stage name: Woohyun
Birth name: Nam Woo Hyun
Birthday: 8 February 1991
Position: Main Vocal
Nickname: Namstar, Namgrease, Namu

이호원
Stage name: Hoya
Birth name: Lee Ho Wan
Birthday: 28 March 1991
Position: Main Dancer, Lead Rapper, Vocalist
Nickname: Hogod

이성열
Stage name: Sungyeol
Birth name: Lee Sung Yeol
Birthday: 27 August 1991
Position: Vocalist
Nickname: Choding

김명수
Stage name: L
Birth name: Kim Myung Soo
Birthday: 13 March 1992
Position: Visual, Lead Vocalist
Nickname: Jiu

이성종
Stage name: Sungjong
Birth name: Lee Sung Jong
Birthday: 3 September 1993
Position: Vocalist, Maknae
Nickname: Baby Sung, Jonggie, Diva

I Really Want To

damn! how many month already? why i can't remember other things so clearly? but why not this relationship? i really hope that i could be a goldfish. you know? someone said goldfish only have 7 seconds of memory. that means after 7 seconds, it have a new memory again. but i just hope for this relationship. i'm not that hope that i can forget about everything after 7 seconds. it's quite horrible. no one have a way to let me choose to forget those sad scenes in my memory. 9 months. not too long and not too short. and everyday i hope that i can forget about this relationship. but why cannot? i hate! i hate myself why i can't do such of easy thing? i saw my friends. they can have a new boyfriend after breaking up with his ex for 1-3 months! damn it. i couldn't do that. maybe until i meet someone. the one who is very special. yea. special. he's active in twitter and facebook these few days. i was so hard to control myself. not to click his profile to view. oh damn. i was genius! i think the first thing to forget a person is to not to care about the person anymore. such as not viewing his facebook profile, not stalking his tweets in his twitter, not reading his posts on his blog and more and more and more. and i just start to do the first thing after 9 months! damn it! how stupid am i. i wanna know! why i'm so ridiculous! the 2nd thing, don't meet with him. yea! i'm not going to have an eye contact with him anymore in school. although sometimes i can't control myself to take a look at him. but i'll try! try my best! yea! forget the JERK.